Nobody likes to think that they are judgemental, remember poor Florence? (A Trip to the Doctors Jan 15th) It is something that I strive not to be, so imagine my surprise when recently I realised that I’ve been seriously judgemental all my life!!!
Here is the story…. I’ve always been fascinated by the relationship between us and food and have watched with admiration as extremely obese people have fought to lose weight on various TV programmes. Knowing that the underlying reason behind the weight is predominantly psychological, due to a trauma usually dating way back.
I have in the past succumbed to binge eating and know the awful guilt and self-loathing that accompanies it. However, for the past twenty five years I’ve been able to moderate my weight. If I saw an overweight person I used to think, ‘There but for the grace of God go I.’ Yep, I know you’re probably cringing right now but that’s how it was!
Two years ago I spiralled down into depression, which I now know was hormonal related (my being a lady of a certain age!). I sought comfort in food as it was the only thing that made me feel okay, at least while I was eating it! I am now nearly two stone heavier and finding it difficult to lose the weight.
My thoughts about overweight people changed to, ‘I’m not that big yet!’ I found a perverse kind of security in it but realise that I was also implying that I was still expanding!!
It was this switch in my thinking which made me realise that I’ve got a severe case of Three Finger Syndrome (A Visit to the Doctors). Needless to say, I’ve stopped the judging. Well at least in that area, goodness knows what else I will discover if I delve a bit deeper!